have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just blew my weed a kiss
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize