Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
