my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
