Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
