I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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