I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
My liver just broke up with me...
I cockslap morals
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
