I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
