hotel room ftw
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
