Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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