I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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