The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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