im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You are a genius and a whore.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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