oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize