You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
i think my cat just said my name.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
