my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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