I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
