they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
