Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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