Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
