On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
