I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
