he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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