Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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