WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
