My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize