So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
