I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We left an ass print on the piano.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
