you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
