It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
