I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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