Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
