Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Someone signed my nipple.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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