is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
