Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
