Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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