I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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