Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
