Sry I called you an 8
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
