My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
