This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
