and i looked up. we had an audience...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize