but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
