She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
