I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Randomize
