So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
