So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
