I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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