There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
