Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
