Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
