Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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