i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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