I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
