Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
