Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
