but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
