he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I need to sanitize my soul.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
