So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
