I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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