i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
