The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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