Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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