Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
