I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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