Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
