careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
