I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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