I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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