Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
