I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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