she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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